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Democratic Dungeon Crawl #1

October 15, 2015

GM: Does everyone have their character updated? The dungeon tonight is very perilous.

O’Malley: Sir Baltimorus is ready to smite evil and bring justice to the land! Though it is with a heavy heart that he rides from his castle and family to join the party on their latest adventure.

Sanders: Brother Bern can now cast Raise Dead. We are no longer beholden to the corrupt churches that oppress the peasants and adventurers of the kingdom with their overpriced spells and wicked support of the tyrannical nobility. Brother Bern will stop his proselytizing and meet up with Sir Baltimorus on the road. My friend, let us rid the land of evil!

O’Malley: Hear! Hear!

GM: Great roleplaying guys! Jim?

Webb: Semper Fidelis is ready to rage and roll, but he would be a better character if we were playing Pathfinder instead of 5e. I’m just saying.

GM: Jim, everyone agreed on 5e at the start of the campaign.

Webb: I really wanted to do Pathfinder.

GM: You are all 9th level now we’re not converting.

Webb: We should.

GM: Just drop it. Hillary, Lincoln you guys ready?

Clinton: Just going over Whitefire, I had my staff update her. 9th level…still an elf…wizard…new spells…they rolled max hit points again, excellent. All looks good. I’ll be waiting by the Convention Stone for the rest of the party having arrived first.

Webb: I’m going to arrive last, but I’ll be bringing a dead deer I caught with my bare hands so we can have a feast tonight.

GM: Ah…okay. Lincoln?

Chafee: I took a level of warlock…it nicely rounds out my character.

O’Malley: Hold on, you’re now a Bard/Rogue/Ranger/Warlock?

Chafee: Yes, the classes may change but Granite still holds true to his dwarven principles.

Webb: What principle is that? Dying! You’re the reason the churches have driven us into debt. How many times have we had to raise you?

Chafee: Granite has always pulled his weight.

Webb: Anyone can pull their weight, Semper Fidelis can lift his weight over his head and throw it 30 feet – that should be the standard for this party.

Sanders: If it wasn’t Granite it would be something else, the churches and the nobility account for 1% of the population and yet control 99% of the land, including the Kingdom’s diamond mines. Until we break up that cartel we’re never going to get a fair break on spell components. Healing spells should be a fundamental right. In the Upper Plane of Bytopia healing magic is free of charge to everyone.

Clinton: Bytopia? You want to reform our kingdom to be more like an Outer Plane? That’s ridiculous. The Prime Material isn’t infused with divine energy – even if we wanted universal healing we don’t have the clerics to do it.

Sanders: We don’t need clerics – just enough magic items. If we increased taxes on the churches and nobility and used that revenue for the creation of healing magic items that we distributed across the Kingdom within 15-20 years we would have universal healing. This would drastically increase the productivity of the Kingdom heralding a golden age that could revolutionize the world.

Clinton: You are never going to get the churches and nobles to pay more in taxes. We need to focus on more realistic goals – like slaying the Trump Dragon. That would help a lot of people and definitely increase our popularity, which we can use for social justice stuff if we want.

Webb: Agreed. We need XP and levels. Once we get to 20th level we’ll control the Kingdom and Brother Bern can do whatever he wants with his part of it.

O’Malley: I should remind everyone that Sir Baltimorus has sworn an oath to defend the King and the Kingdom from its enemies. I hope that doesn’t include my companions.

Sanders: I have nothing against the King, he’s a good man. It’s the churches and nobles that are the problem.

Webb: If push came to shove Semper Fidelis would break Sir Baltimorus like a twig.

O’Malley: My mount has a higher intelligence and wisdom than Semper Fidelis; I’m not that concerned about a fighter with PTSD – sorry, I mean barbarian.

Chafee: Granite activates his cloak of invisibility. He doesn’t like party conflict.

Clinton: Guys, let’s just go to the dungeon.

GM: Good idea. The Democratic Party travels for five days from the Convention Stone to the Purple Mountains, where you reach the last border towns before the desolate climb to the entrance to the Temple of Primary Evil.

Clinton: I send my herald cohorts to the surrounding towns to start singing songs and telling stories about our many victories. I use a Sending spell to update our press secretary in the capital with our progress. I use Dominate on the leader of the town closest to the dungeon to make sure he supports us and isn’t an agent of whatever evil is in the dungeon. We will use this town as our campaign headquarters.

Sanders: I want to talk to the people in the town to learn any stories they know about the dungeon. I’m also trying to find out about the local church and noble – is there any support here for revolution?

O’Malley: Sir Baltimorus will pray for strength before we approach the dungeon.

Webb: Granite and I will scout out the path to the dungeon.

Chafee: We will?

Webb: We’re men of action not talking! Let’s go find a random encounter!

Chafee: Why don’t we take Sir Baltimorus?

Webb: We’d have to follow all his silly rules and give him a third of any treasure.

Chafee: Hm…good point. Semper Fidelis and Granite are going to scout out the path.

GM: You go no more than a few leagues from the town when you see a wooden fort held by orcs that guards the narrow path that continues up into the mountains.

Webb: I love random encounters when they’re delivered in a box.

Chafee: Maybe we should go back and get the others?

Will Semper Fidelis and Granite attack the orc fort by themselves or will they get the rest of the party? You decide! 

This series continues here.


From → Dialogues

  1. I think they will make an initial sortie by themselves – of course, that is not to say that it will go well or that they won’t need to get reinforcements!

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  1. Democratic Dungeon Crawl #2 | Get Used to Disappointment

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