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Democratic Dungeon Crawl #4

October 19, 2015

This is the fourth in a series that begins here.

GM: A mystical, glowing portal has appeared nearby. The stone golem is ambling forward. Granite is dead. Sir Baltimorus has moved to engage the golem. Brother Bern is healing Semper Fidelis. Whitefire, are you taking the portal to testify before the Guild or are you staying here?

Clinton: How long will the portal remain open?

GM: Maybe a minute.

Clinton: Good. I have a plan. Sir Baltimorus and Semper Fidelis slow the golem down but let it advance towards me. Brother Bern, help me drag Granite’s body by the portal.

Chafee: Are we planning to retreat through the portal?

Clinton: Not exactly.

A few rounds and bad dice rolls later…

O’Malley: Sir Baltimorus is taking a beating. I’m down to a third of my hit points and am still slowed! Retreat might be in order.

Webb: Semper Fidelis never retreats, though an advance to the rear might be warranted as I’m one hit from being unconscious.

Sanders: I’m about out of spells but I have a few potions – we need to fall back and regroup.

Chafee: Don’t forget my body!

Clinton: Boys, calm down. I cast Grease on the floor in front of the golem. By my notes from the earlier battle it’s a downhill slope all the way to the portal. The golem should hit Granite’s body, I used a little sovereign glue to affix him to the floor, causing the golem to trip and then fall through the portal.

O’Malley: Brilliant.

GM: The golem gets a save. (rolls dice) Damn, okay, the golem trips on Granite and falls through the portal and is teleported to the Guild headquarters. He will return in two rounds – you have a little time to heal up.

Clinton: Dispel Magic on the portal, automatic success as I’m a member of the Guild. That’s one golem we don’t have to worry about. Not only that but I sent a proxy to testify for me at the hearing, shame he might kill a lot of the Guild in the process. I might feel bad about that someday, but not this day.

Webb: That was bad ass.

O’Malley: The Guild is going to go ballistic.

Clinton: After we get some rest I’ll cast Sending and update our press secretary in the capital with a new media plan. I think we can spin this in our favor.

Sanders: Well done, Whitefire, very well done. That’s how we send messages to our oppressors. I’ll start casting Raise Dead on Granite.

(knock on door and it opens)

Biden: Hey guys!

GM: Joe, you finally going to join the campaign?

Biden: I haven’t decided yet. Just figured I’d drop by and watch the action for a little.

Clinton: As I have said many times, the party is full.

Sanders: Are you kidding? Joe, is Delo Were still alive?

Biden: Yeah, he retired to the monastery he built in the mountains after he had to kill his brother at the Temple of the Fire Dragon King.

Sanders: He left you no choice. If you didn’t kill him he would have opened a portal to the Elemental Plane of Fire and destroyed the world. We could use Delo Were now as we’re in the Temple of Primary Evil.

O’Malley: Was this an earlier campaign in the setting?

Clinton: Yes, it was back when we were all in the Senate. It was completely munchkin. Delo Were was a werebear monk who was the bastard son of a demigod. His character wasn’t even the worse – that was Barak’s half-celestial half-dragon fighter who was destined to be king. I hated that character.

Biden: King Potus was cool. You’re just upset that your elven sorceress was devoured by the Dark Niece of Tiamat.

Webb: I bet you all were playing 3rd edition or Pathfinder right?

Biden: 3.5 – good times. Though I’ve heard good things about 5th edition.

Webb: Pathfinder’s better.

GM: Jim, I’m going to start docking you XP every time you say Pathfinder. Let’s get back to the adventure.

Biden: So what’s happened so far?

Chafee: I don’t think we need an audience. I mean either you’re here to play or not, right?

Clinton: I agree.

GM: How about it? Ready to join the campaign?

Biden: I don’t know. I do have a few cool character concepts, but campaigns are such a commitment. Most of my roleplaying nowadays are one-shots, like Fiasco.

Webb: I have to agree with Lincoln and Hillary. Either you’re in or you’re out.

Sanders: I’m fine with him just watching.

O’Malley: I don’t have an opinion.

GM: Majority rules. Joe, I’m sorry either you play or you have to go.

Biden: I understand. You know what – I’m going to go draw up a character and see if it inspires me to join. Good luck, maybe I’ll see you later.

(Biden leaves)

Clinton: Excellent, let’s get back to the game. We withdraw outside to raise Granite and get a long rest. Then it’s back to the Temple of Primary Evil.

GM: Okay all goes well and soon you are back in the Temple.

Chafee: Glad to be alive again. I think I’m okay with Granite being an elf, it’s better than being undead.

O’Malley: You were more effective as undead, maybe we should kill you and have Brother Bern animate you.

Sanders: Undead are an abomination. They take away jobs from the living and worse take away living from the living. They also account for 76% of all fraud related to the kingdom’s elderly safety net. Just think how many times we’ve encountered an old, wrinkled scion of a family who was undead, preventing the transfer of wealth from one generation to the next.

Chafee: I was considering undeath but now I’m an elf and that’s like living forever.

Clinton: One of the reasons I always play elves.

GM: The party passes through the arch where the stone golem stood guard and follow a flight of stairs down that leads to three passageways. According to the stories of the nearby villagers only one way leads to the lower level – the other two lead to instant death.

Chafee: Which way?

What should the party do? Should they take a poll to select which passageway to take? Should Brother Bern summon a celestial being to question? Should Granite use his Ring of Demon Questioning to get an answer? Should they just pick a direction? You decide if you want the story to continue.

The series continues here.


From → Dialogues

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